Feedback, guidance, etc.

Something that made me think the other day was how we use the language to deliver the message. Especially when it is more of a feedback type. There is a whole bunch of literature on how to give proper feedback ( of which I’ve read none so far). So all I can say is common sense and how I would prefer to do it myself – which is using the future tense in whatever you refer to. If you start off with saying how you did this and that wrong to a person in the past – it leaves a weird aftertaste. If someone has failed in something it’s most likely clear to the both. So the point of communicating it is future-oriented. And not imperative, “you must”, “you should”. It can be a suggestion, but never an order? In the end, the responsibility comes at the point where you offer guidance instead of police surveillance?